The Relapse
by AngelMorph
Summary: Cassie buckles under the pressure of the war and retreates into her childhood. Author's note I recently came across this story I wrote a while ago and felt I should post even though it contradicts plot developments that occured after it was written.


**The Relapse **

_By AngelMorph_

**Prologue**

It had been an awful battle, one of the worst yet.  Many lives had been shed, of Taxxons, Hork-Bajir, and human alike.  All the Animorphs were left shaken by the experience.  Like usual they had barely gotten out with their lives.  Cassie was the one to take it the worse.  The sight of the battlefield as they fled had turned her stomach.  The floor had been littered with corpses, human blood, and Taxxon goo.  They had killed so many innocent hosts.  The thought of killing any living being had never appealed to her yet she had taken so many lives.  

The memories haunted her as she flew home, weary from the battle.  She was exhausted and the thought of her warm bed called to her.  Yet she had barely enough energy to demorph and drag herself into bed.  She didn't even bother to change out of her morphing outfit, which she almost always wore under her clothes.  No sooner had she drifted of to sleep, did the memories haunt her dreams.  

She woke up screaming like a six-year-old that had just had a nightmare.  Her cries brought her mother to her door.

"Honey, what's the matter?  You woke me up."

Cassie started sobbing like a child and said in tiny little voice, that had been hers years ago when she been an innocent little six-year-old, "Mommy, I'm scared.  The monsters were trying to kill the wolf."

Her response caught her mother off guard.  She had never expected Cassie to say something like that.  Usually when she woke up screaming, which had been happening a lot lately, Cassie always reassured her that she had just had a bad dream and was fine.  Her confession of fear sounded so juvenile and for a moment Alisha forgot that she was in the room of her teenaged daughter and was drawn into the past where the room was occupied by her daughter aged of only six.

She was drawn back into the present by the voice of a child saying, "Mommy, what if the monsters come to take me away too?"

Alisha approached her daughter's bed, unsure of how to respond to the question.  If it been asked ten years ago she would have known exactly how to respond, but now she didn't know.  Teenagers didn't ask that kind of question.  Something was wrong with Cassie, but what?

Finally she responded, "Cassie, are you feeling alright?  Do you have a fever?  Let me feel your forehead."  She placed her trembling hand on her daughter's forehead observing her expression of juvenile innocence and childhood trust, visible in the faint moonlight, that had replaced the famous teenage 'I can take care of myself look'.  She wasn't hot.  

It was through instinct that Alisha asked the question, "Cassie how old are you."  She had only half anticipated the answer she received, "Silly mommy, I just turned six.  Remember, Rachel came over and we had cake and you gave me a doctor kit– Mommy are you okay?" Alisha had turned white as a ghost.  

 "Yeah I'm fine honey, now you get some sleep.  The monsters won't come and get you.  It was dream," she hastily tucked her daughter in, not even noticing that she wasn't wearing her nightgown.  What was she going to do?  Cassie honestly believed that she was just 6 years old.  She had described events that had taken place years ago as if they had taken place just a few days ago. 

As she headed back to bed she couldn't help but consider the possibility of it being just a dream.  Oh, how much she wanted to believe that it was all just a bad dream, that she would wake up and find Cassie behaving like a normal teenager again.  Deep down she knew that it was real but for the time being she went off to sleep thinking that when she woke up everything would be okay.  But it wasn't…

**Chapter 1**

(Cassie)

My name is Cassie.  I won't tell you my last name because my mommy told me never to tell my name to strangers.  There are bad people who hurt little kids.  It's okay to tell you my first name but I'll get in trouble if I tell you my last name or my address, not that I live a home anymore.

My mommy and daddy decided that I might remember all the things I forgot better if I lived with the doctors in this really big building with lots of grown-ups.  They told me it's a place where people like me can better and not to be afraid.  They visit me every day and tell me stories about things I did but don't remember because the doctors say it might help me remember.

Sometimes Rachel comes too.  Rachel is my best friend.  We've been best friends ever since we were three years old.  She says that she misses having me around.  She says the whole gang misses me but I don't know whom she's talking about.  It's always been just Rachel and me.  Ever since we met, no one could come between us.  

After my parents and Rachel leave I'm by myself, well sort of.  The guy who shares room with me is always there.  He's kind of strange.  He's usually just a normal person but sometimes he puts his hands on his head and suddenly starts screaming, "Get out my head, get out of my head."  Once it happened when Rachel was with me.  She got this strange look on her face for a second but then it disappeared.

The man likes to tell stories.  He says he has an evil alien slug in his head that tries to control his brain.  He says it's called a Yeerk and that the Yeerks are secretly invading Earth.  Everyone says he's crazy but he insists that it's true.  I like to listen to his stories but sometimes they give me nightmares.  I dream about a wolf being chased by monsters just like the ones he describes.  Sometimes there are other animals in my dreams.  The dreams scare me but I never tell anyone about them.

**Chapter 2**

(Cassie)

_I was in a huge cave.  In front of me is a very big pool of stinky dirty water with slimy things swimming around in it.  There are cages full of people and monsters that are screaming and crying.  But around me there are animals and monsters fighting.  I'm scared but I can't turn away and run.  I can't move only watch.  No one sees me but I see them.  I watch and I want to cry or scream but I can't.  I can only watch.   _

My eyes open suddenly.  The room is dark and quiet.  It was just a dream.  I have the same dream every night and it's always just as scary.  Most little girls cry for their mommies when they have scary dreams but if I cry for my mommy she won't come.  

Instead the big mean lady is going to come and tell me to shut up and act my age because I'm not a little girl.  I'm a big girl who's acting like a baby.  That's what the mean lady says. 

My mommy and doctor say it's not true what the mean lady says.  They say that I'm a big girl that had a traumatic experience –they say that traumatic experience are big words that mean something bad and scary – and my brain made me forget things because it didn't want to remember the bad thing that happened.

Sometimes I wonder if the scary things in my dream are bad things that happened that made me forget.  I don't tell anybody because I have this little voice inside that says that if I tell mommy or doctor something bad is going to happen and I don't want to get in trouble.  

Maybe I should tell Rachel.   The little voice doesn't say that I can't tell Rachel.  It would make me feel better if I could tell someone.  It always feels good to say things out loud.  Right now I feel like my head is going to blow up.  

**Chapter 3**

(Rachel)

It's a bloody war we're fighting and the odds aren't exactly in our favor but none of ever expected that we would crack under the pressure.  Unfortunately it did happen.  Cassie lost it.  She has what the doctors call "partial amnesia as a result of a traumatic experience" or something like that.  Basically her mind couldn't cope with the memories and just blocked them off along with the memory of a great portion of her life.

I've been visiting her at the hospital every week.  Since her parents didn't want to have to send her the nearest asylum because of the distance from home she's been staying in the psychology wing of the local hospital.  Even that took a lot of convincing on the doctors' part that it would be beneficial for her to be under 24-hour surveillance.

Usually when I visit her she's happy to see me.  She might not remember half the things we've done together but she still remembers me.  Sometimes I visit her just to escape.  She helps me forget everything and remember the good times, which are basically the only times she remembers.  Sometimes I envy her for that but I also pity her because there are so many happy times that she doesn't remember.

I could tell the minute I walked in the door that today's conversation was going to be different.  I could tell from the look on her face that something was wrong.

"Hi Rachel, I've been waiting for you.  I have to tell you something that I don't think I should tell anyone else," The words themselves were innocent enough.  What got to me was the tone she adopted that really got to me. 

I know that what she really needs is a friend and that is usually how I treat her, like nothing has changed even though they have.  But as I sat down beside her the tone I myself adopted leaned more toward being the comforting tone of a parent reassuring a child, "What is it Cassie?  You know you can tell me anything."

"Well," she started hesitantly, "I had this really bad dream last night and the night before and almost all the nights I can remember and well…"

She told me all about the nightmares she'd had, the nightmares we all had but thought she had probably stopped having.  Probably but not for sure, one of the Chee had been a psychologist in another life.  He had pointed out that while consciously she had forgotten everything it was possible that subconsciously she still remembered.  This definitely posed a problem.

**Chapter 4**

(Rachel)

"This is bad, this is really bad," Marco was saying.  I had just told the others about Cassie's nightmares and Marco was getting nervous.  

We were all aware of the threat that Cassie's dreams posed.  I had warned her not to tell anyone else but you never know with a six-year-old.  She remembered enough to cause danger for herself and for us but not enough to understand the severity of the problem at hand.  We had an important decision to make.  We all wanted to keep her sheltered from her past.  We missed our innocence and didn't want to take hers back.  

At the same time we knew that we couldn't protect her forever.  Sooner or later she would have to face reality and rejoin the fight.  We needed her.  It had already been bad odds to start out with.  Now, without her, we were seriously shorthanded.

We could either leave things be and make do or aide Cassie on her road to recovery ultimately stripping her of her innocence and dragging her back into the cold cruel world.  We didn't exactly come to a decision.  Instead we decided to put Cassie's fate in her own hands.

**Epilouge**

Cassie was later admitted into a psychological institution.  Doctors have never given up hope of being able to pull her back into the present but up to date none have ever been successful.

The rest of the Animorphs need not worry about her divulging their secret.  In her current state, she holds no memories of any events following her sixth birthday.  They are however heartbroken at the loss of their close friend, as are her parents.  Jake claims he'll never love another girl for as long as he lives, however long that might be, but we all know that boys can't resist pretty girls even if they've undergone a similar experience.

While Cassie will never have to set foot into another battle, her roommate raves on and on about having an alien in his head.  She takes in the stories like a child believes in the boogieman.  Her parents and all the adults try to ensure her that no such creatures as those described by the man in the other bed describes. Yet she can't help but believe the crazed stories that co-exist with her nightmares of a wolf being chased by bladed monsters and giant centipedes, her only glimpse of the life she once led.  


End file.
